DOODLE'S DIATRIBES

We also had good times and talks and laughs over there...there was just some kind of miscommunication I am guessing...


For me, to be muddled in memories right now only fits...


I don't really know what the hell happened, I just feel like it is time for me to move slowly forward at my own pace.

I keep stating that I do not even wish to date anyone anymore. I just can't anymore. When you're heart breaks, and breaks, and breaks....for so many years, for so long, for so many reasons...you just close up. And that is what I have done for other reasons, but also for these reasons now.

I waited like a fool staring down the road for a dream that will never happen. For a day that will never come. For a little boy who will never come to being.

I wait now only for the laughter again...the sweet sound of my kiddo's titter and giggle and her cousin's jovial guffaw...I like to call them Snoots and Snootus now. She keeps telling me she is not Snoots...but her cousin says he'll be Snootus anyday!

At my sister in law rene's father's house. I was worked like a dog.

One time in particular on the one day a week i was allowed to have my daughter over- just a lil toddler- i was told i couldn't see her until Rene's house was spotless.

They would watch her...so six hours later...I come back and everyone had eaten except Kiddo...my niece had thought to give her- still a toddler jmind you- potato chips after she'd eaten half the bag.

I was so angry I picked up kiddo like a poor sack of potatoes and stormed out of the house...


Another time my mother had had chest pains...bad enough dad took her to St. John's he called and said come get kiddo...Rene got so pissed she decided I was trying to get out of work....She took the kids to the movies and was furious with me...I called her multiple times to explain and found myself appologizing instead...


Then one morning I had had a migraine a real one this time and Rex gave me some pill which knocked me out and thank G_D for that...the pain was killer.
Rene had come in while I was sleeping and told me I had to go...it was a hell of a time.

At my sister in law rene's father's house. I was worked like a dog.

One time in particular on the one day a week i was allowed to have my daughter over- just a lil toddler- i was told i couldn't see her until Rene's house was spotless.

They would watch her...so six hours later...I come back and everyone had eaten except Kiddo...my niece had thought to give her- still a toddler jmind you- potato chips after she'd eaten half the bag.

I was so angry I picked up kiddo like a poor sack of potatoes and stormed out of the house...


Another time my mother had had chest pains...bad enough dad took her to St. John's he called and said come get kiddo...Rene got so pissed she decided I was trying to get out of work....She took the kids to the movies and was furious with me...I called her multiple times to explain and found myself appologizing instead...


Then one morning I had had a migraine a real one this time and Rex gave me some pill which knocked me out and thank G_D for that...the pain was killer.
Rene had come in while I was sleeping and told me I had to go...it was a hell of a time.

Said today that SCORPIO always says something with an implication...etcetera...at first I just laughed and shook my head because of all that has gone on recently....but then I thought about it...in all seriousness words are quite powerful...people take many things out of context, and sometimes even me- a lot of times I do...

So, when I ask the world to afford me a little lee way, I should certainly extend the same.

There are some people I called friend once upon a time for a reason....
And I Amd sure they called me the same once upon a time...

Among those people are Rick O'Connell. He's pretty interesting as an individual...Radio announcer, hockey and soccer fanatic...has incredible stories to tell about Chicago and the music scene of his youth...he likes his whickey on the occassion.

He was a good friend until we had a falling out of sorts...I guess he saw me for me, and something must've happened cuz he no longer saw me for me...I can only assume that that is a fault of my own...

He does a killer Elvis impersonation, to boot.

Among these people are Sonny Coday...a guy with a laugh and a joke and a story. He was also a great friend. We'd hang out in the break room, we'd go for a drink...We always had a crowd of people around us...
In that crowd Crystal and Sam, and a whole crew of guys and gals...we'd all take turns laughing and joking and having good times.

Another friend of mine, Dee Jager, she can tell ya about Gaman nieu lam (SP?) dunno, seriosuly...but that is a great tale...I thought I was saying thank you for the pleasure...but I was really saying thank you for the p***y!

Another good ol' gal that I listened to gossip and unfortunately spread gossip about was Lori Keeling....she was trying to be a friend and I couldn't see it. She gave me a book about REAL LOVE, and I guess it's time I read that thing cuz, well, shitbag magnet I am...the only fault is mine...

You've gotta be the only man in town to wear plaid and stripes together...nice try way back when...
At Garlic Rose on the Patio, with my friend Billy you had to stroll up a thousand times and frankly, plaid and stripes are always distasteful...NO MATTER WHAT!

i mistook waht mama said when she said no m ore puking...she was just talking to the dog...

I don't get it, nor do I want to, so no more reading into what it is I am saying...just go on and let me be.

I just wish you'd just go away...period.

Why you sent flowers G_D only knows, you acted an ass and treated me worse...so don't call for the last frickin' time...
I'll just pick up and hang up...


And this blog is also supposed to be private, but just in case it isn't...I'll be keeping all personal junk to myself from here out. And when I get the urge to write about personal I'll type it into the blank computer desktop...turned on, and SHOULDN'T BE GOING TO ANYONE- GOT NO PERMISSION KIDS...

For now, though, I am outside and relaxing till I go out to job hunt.

I'm guessing old boy has a genuine distaste for my person. Why else would he tell my mother there was absolutely nothing wrong with the computer....seems to me if he were as smart as all of what's been said, then how come my FRIEND CLYDE said there's no denying some jerk has hacked and is causing problems...

You know, when he kicked my ass...I kept the watch that chipped up my teeth.

I had a tooth that broke on the inner edge that the family dentist kindly shaved down, he prescribed penicillin and a pain killer too for the infection- I wound up having to get bactrim and bacitracin cuz the penicillin wouldn't cut it...but no less he was awfully kind to help me out, I was in hysteria for the pain it caused with each swallow tearing at my tonuge and ripping flesh...
well when my head hit the tile in bro's house I clenched my jaws tight and it shattered the rest of the tooth on the outer side and I swallowed a great chunk...it's been a fabulous time with this particualr brother...

I cannot blame or lay accusation, but I can certainly say I do not get him at all...no matter how nice I am, no matter how hard I try- there is nothing reciprocated...he just keeps saying nothing has ever been found on the computers and I must be crazy, mom and dad tend to believe him.

I cannot shake the feeling I got when I told him how people were treating me, about the rape incident in particular...he just kinda hesitated and said real quiet..."yeah" and that was all...

To me if ya' love somebody you do your damnedest to help them out.

I remember seeing Garth Brooks and his wife at Molly's landing, and they were eating dinner so I didn't bother them.
People were certainly looking...I mean that's the king of country...

But, I was itching to go and ask him if he knew my niece...Googie...she played on his daughter's soccer team or some such thing...

I get the giggles when I think about that....I was just itching to ask have you seen her play? That girl has got a natural talent...she's something I'll tell ya' right now.

Never did ask though, I was at the bar and they looked cozy...